Out of Control

I've been having nightmares lately. Lots of nightmares...about people. People I know and love...and am worried for.
I understand that I can't control peoples lives. In fact whenever I try to help my friends, I normally screw things up worse. But when I don't get to see my friends or they are away on vacation I get scared for them. I feel like I need them around for me...and I feel like I need to be right there for them. But the truth is I don't need to be. It's more of a selfish thing.
But I dunno what to do.

Is Being Different Being Me?

I really want to be different. Like, to stand out in a crowd, you know? Not in a slutty way at all. Just a normal innocent fun way. Like by wearing weird and colorful makeup. Or one black sock and on lime green sock. Or two differenc colord Chucks. Nothing to big. Its just if people notice my craziness, maybe they will talk to me and I can start making a difference. Being weird can be used for Him.
But sometimes I wonder if I'm to focused on being different and not on the important things in life? Like school, getting a job, saving money, being KIND to others...which is my weirdness's original intention. But in trying to be weird, I forget my main goal.
And then I get more off focus when people copy me! Like if one or two people copy me I'm chill. If it is a sibling (or someone in the same HOUSE) or like 5 million people, it kinda takes the shine away and I don't feel so unique anymore.
Grrrrr......